A few friends and I were in the local college radio station office opening packages from labels a few weeks ago. Sifting through the piles of manila envelopes was more exciting than Christmas for an eight year old. When someone pulled out a package from Kill Rock Stars I got more than excited. I greedily awaited to see the contents of the traditionally amazing record label which has released material from great acts such as the Decemberists, The Robot Ate Me, Xiu Xiu, and Elliot Smith. Gravy Train’s Are You Wigglin? was the only content of the envelope and everyone in the room burst into laughter. I was quickly informed about how awful the band was. My interest was piqued and I had to listen to the album and find out for myself just what Gravy Train is all about.

The album sat on my desk for weeks. Every time I looked at the cover I was filled with trepidation. This was the forbidden fruit; I was warned about the album, but I could not resist. Why was it so bad? I snuck off into my room, closed and locked the door and slid the CD into my stereo. With a trembling hand I pressed play.

As the album started I took a look at the track listing:

1. Jonny Makeup
2. Darque Tan
3. Stop the Wedding
4. I wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna get rid of you
5. bloopies (skit)
6. (everybody do) The Thingy
7. Ghost Boobs
8. Hump Lites
9. Pussy Sauce
10. Nudies from the Road
11. Gotta Get Outta Batwiddicals

These song titles seemed to be concocted by a sugar high preschooler. Maybe it is all tongue in check, a clever façade for some real insightful humor and some great music. At least it can be something great to dance to . . .

The first seconds of “Jonny Makeup” start and I know that all my fears are true. This album is a piece of shit. Yes, a piece of shit. Gravy Train is like a cover band of a Le Tigre Cover band that studied at the Shaggs school of music. The worst thing is all the songs sound the same. Every song has the same dancy-Casio drum beat (although dance oriented the tracks are highly undanceable) with the same climbing organ power chord progression and a banshee screech overlaying the chaos.

Are You wigglin? does not even warrant a listen out of morbid curiosity. I am not sure if the album is trying to be funny or if Gravy Train doesn’t give a fuck. Who signed this band? Who thought they had talent? What is Kill Rock Stars thinking? I cannot imagine a demographic that would seriously enjoy Gravy Train’s music for any purpose. This coked out Alvin & the Chipmunks faux-humor group is one train I am willing to miss.